I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
