My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
