My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
