dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
