I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
