I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
