I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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