A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
