So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
