I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is this like a preordered booty call?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
