OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize