my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
