I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize