Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
