Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
