This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
