Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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