She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
