when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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