Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
