So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
