I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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