filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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