Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize