I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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