piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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