party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
