and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize