I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
