after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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