So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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