I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
