Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
