Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
