I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
