Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize