I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize