I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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