i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
