My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
