Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
