its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
