You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
