I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize