my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
