How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize