Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
be right there i have to get my cape
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
