i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize
