I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
