i need an iv and a liver transplant
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
