I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
