Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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