8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
