I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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