I cockslap morals
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
