I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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