Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
