super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
