just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
