you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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