I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize