I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
