We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
