I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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