Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
